Catholicism, holiness and spirituality

Lighten Up!

Inspired by a fellow Catholic blogger whom I respect very much (could be any number of you, couldn't it?), I've decided to pronounce this 'Lighten Up Friday'. Instead of trying to determine what is remote material participation and what is not, the appropriate 'modest' dress code for mass, what is 'normal' liturgical practice, the best translation for English liturgy or etc, I'm proposing we mention the most embarrassing moments we've had at mass or church-related functions. Personally, I've never had such moments, but am curious about (laughing at) yours.

But wait, there was that one time when I was a kid, serving at mass. I went out to light the candles around the altar, tripped over a microphone wire (yes kiddies, microphones once had wires) and fell flat on my face. I heard the crowd laugh, and my face turned a few shades of red.

And then at my First Communion Mass... You know how the priest is supposed to make sure the kids are ready and prepared for this great sacrament, so he asks them a few questions? I don't think they do that so much now, but back in the day you had go through that ritual. I remember the priest - a very nice Irishman who our family knew well - asked 'How many people did Jesus feed with the loaves & fish?' Oh, I know that one! I raised my hand, and he came over and put the microphone up to my mouth so everyone could hear my answer. Yikes! A microphone! I froze, my mind went blank. I remember he asked something about Jesus.... and a number. Jesus and a number.... which number? There were 12 apostles... but what was the question again? Out of time! Gotta say something. My answer: '12' - for everyone in the big church to hear. 'No', he answered - sounding rather disappointed. After my heart stopped pounding, I remember thinking '12, 12! Where did that come from?'

OK, so spill the beans yourself. Most embarrassing moments at mass or a church function. Comment here or post on your own blog.

About half

At Mass this past Sunday, our priest spoke a bit about Pope John 23rd. He retold a quote from the pope that I had never heard, but that doesn't mean much. It made us all laugh:

One day Pope John 23rd was asked how many people work at the Vatican? His Holiness replied: "Oh, about half."

And in lane 5....

We had our first track meet of the season today. Since each of our boys is in a different age group, this means we were at the field most of the day - from 11 AM to almost 6 PM. Four out of five schools there seemed to be Catholic schools, one of which was a rather new one named after Mother Teresa. And so when the announcer was calling out the schools in each lane for the first race it went something like this:

Lane 1 - Queen of Peace; lane 2 - Mariemont; lane 3 - Sacred Heart; lane 4 - St Ignatius, and in lane 5 - Mother Teresa.

I wasn't the only one to chuckle when hearing Mother Teresa was running in lane 5. Since all of us there remembered the real Mother Teresa, the image of the little nun running a 75 meter race was just too much!

There were several saints running the tracks today - St Mary (under four or five different names), St Catharine, St Jude, St Bartholomew, St Ignatius, St Theresa Little Flower, St Veronica, St James and probably a couple others.

Outsourcing sermons

Well, prayers & mass intentions are getting outsourced, so why not sermons?

Seen on church signs in the Houston area (as reported by the Joyful Noiseletter):

"Staying in bed shouting, 'Oh God!' does not constitute going to church"

"You give God the credit; now give God the cash."

"Wal-Mart is not the only saving place."

Hidden Agendas

This cartoon struck me as really funny and reminded me of my parish council days. There were plenty of hidden agendas, but they were not so obvious as in the cartoon!

Being on a governing board of any church is a thankless job. Well, the pastors always thanked us - they were always grateful to have a group of dedicated parishioners they could work with on the big issues.

Being on a parish council, and being the chairperson for a few years, showed me how things often get done in a church. Even though it is our parish, the church of God, it is political. People have their preferences, wishes and desires, and they lobby the pastor and the council for it. The pastor and council try to do what is best for everyone. There is negotiation and compromise. We all did/do our best to make sure we are following the Spirit, but we're only human.

Funny Stories

Well, funny to me, anyway....

One Sunday morning, an old, shabbily dressed man happened to be walking through an elegant suburb when he spotted a huge, beautiful church. He entered during the worship service, and took a seat in the rear pew.

The well-dressed congregation was unnerved by his appearance. As he was leaving the service, the pastor told the old man, "Before you come back again, please pray and have a talk with God. Ask Him what He thinks would be the proper clothes for worshipping in this church."

The next Sunday the old man returned to the church in the same shabby clothes. After the service, the pastor again asked him whether or not he had talked to God about the appropriate attire for church.

"I did talk to God," the old man replied. "He told me that He wouldn't have any idea what was appropriate attire for worshipping in your church. He said He's never been in here before."

And then a few one-liners....

A father is a man who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be.

It's not true that nice guys finish last. Nice guys are winners before the game even starts.

A child's letter to God: "Dear God, I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big, but with hair on my head."

Christians are like coals of fire. Together they glow; alone they grow cold.

(All of these from the June-July 2004 isue of The Joyful Noiseletter).

Funny Stuff

It's an online cartoon called SuperPope - an anime cartoon of the Pope fighting demons and protecting little kids. Pretty funny stuff (but then, it's been a very long day and maybe my judgement is a bit off at the moment!). Found via The Curt Jester, a nice blog that mixes conservative Catholicsm and off-beat humor.

Brain Depreciation

Hmmm... I wonder. As a 'knowledge worker' I wonder if I could claim depreciation on my brain? I mean honestly, really, I'm getting a little slower. Slower but wiser, for sure. But if I count-up all the tuition $ and continuing education $ that went to building-up my brain, I could depreciate that over the next 30 years and save a good bit on my taxes... But then I'd probably get audited. Never mind.

Funny Stuff from Joyful Noiseletter

A Lenten Poem:

I wouldn't say she's not religious
(for fear of persecution),
But all she gave up for Lent
was her New Year's resolution

Thoughts from kids:

"Dear God. In school we read the Thomas Edison made light, but in Sunday school they said you did it. Did he steal your idea?"

When Father Bolger was named Monsignor, he got a couple notes from kids at the school: "If you work hard enough, you could become a bishop." and "We all love you like a Father. Can we still call you Father?"

I surrender all...

... to the IRS, or so it seems as I start getting records ready for my accountant.