Not just in the church...

The Catholic church has had so much attention in the past decade for how it mishandled sexual abuse that we don't often hear much about sexual abuse in other organizations and institutions. This morning I read an AP story about sexual abuse in public schools. And in the past I've read about cases in other Christian churches, the Boy Scouts, and so on. Most all of them seem to have a few things in common - the perpetrators are good at hiding themselves and their actions, and supervisors often cover-up or minimize the abuse to save-face for their organization.

It's a sad situation, to see abuse so pervasive in the world.

Comments

[Jeff]

Good point, Steve,

I've always been inclined to believe that with married priests, the sexual abuse crisis in the Church would not have been kept as secret as it was, and that such crimes would not have been as tolerated, but now I'm no longer sure about that. It seems like every institution has a way of banding together to protect its members and its secrets, even if some of these people have children of their own. Isn't that strange? Sexual abuse in the field of education is an enormous problem. Hopefully, the Church is now ahead of the curve in dealing with these matters. Perhaps other institutions should take an opportunity to learn from us, and not just condemn us.

[Steve Bogner]

Hi Jeff - Thanks for adding you viewpoint here, it is always appreciated.

I think most would agree that at least the American church is now ahead of the curve in dealing with sexual abuse - screening, education, policies, reporting and so on. But many people, including me, are still disappointed with how the bishops have repeatedly dodged accountability for the past abuse. I'm all for forgiveness and moving forward, but accountability is different. Accountability is closer to justice, for the victims and for their families, as well as for the future of the church.

[+ Alan]

These sorts of problems are all over. Everyone should be able to figure that out. Wherever there are broken, twisted human beings, there will be manifestations of all manner of sickness. Such is our yet to be fully restored condition. It's particularly heinous, though, when happening in the supposed holy confines of the Church - surely that's obvious too. That's why it gets more press - because it's being done by people who are supposed to be teaching us all how to be changed into those who are more like Jesus.

I've thought the married priest thing too. I still think there is something to that. But I think it's more deeply connected to one of the notions that comes with a celibate priesthood, which is this: That being celibate is inherently more holy, more Christ-like, is "better" than being married. That undercurrent thought is there. We know it is. There has been/is also the idea that one who enters Holy Orders is inherently more holy (because of the Sacrament) - and that if one becomes a priest, one may be able to overcome any pesky problem one might be dealing with.

So men with real, deeply broken problems on these sorts very likely go into the Priesthood (at least partly) because they believe they will be cured by it. And of course they're not. And of course the suppression of these desires from the outside only lasts so long and they come out in very unfortunate ways.

I do believe doing away with the celibate discipline would have a positive effect on this, along with other things. It would help people not to have such a spooky notion of the priesthood, perhaps - so that they wouldn't think of it in such "magical" ways. Just as the Sacrament of Marriage won't cure a man of certain problems he may have, neither will the Sacrament of Holy Orders. The only thing that will possibly "cure" any of us is our continued, progressive transformation into the Image of Christ, and that's a holistic thing that takes a while.

And just externally speaking - how frustrating is it to constantly hear Catholics constantly not just saying "yes, it's horrible and evil and there's no excuse for it" - instead, I hear people always trying to push things off on "the media" or "Catholic haters" or something. Surely there are those people and the media is goofy - whatever but good Lord people, seriously.

Sorry about the long comment Steve. Peace to you. We WILL get together one of these days.

[Patrick]

Hi All.

Alan I will agree that celibacy as practiced in the Roman Catholic Church at present is unhealthy, to put it mildly. I believe though that a freely chosen celibacy can be a powerful testimony to the Love of God, just as can a lifelong committment in marriage. The difficulty comes though when our priesthood is automatically yoked with a compulsory celibacy.

I don't find any evidence in the Bible for such a neccessity in the early Christian Community of believers. Indeed we are told in the Gospels that Peter himself was married. Yes there were and indeed, still are scandals with men and women who are unable to keep or rather express their sex drive in a controlled and positive/creative manner. Jesus himself, I believe, knew the temptation to such vagaries but showed us how to express this drive in creative and open ways. He met with and enjoyed the company of men, women and children without giving in to a false expression of love. Rather his expresion of unconditional Love was both open and creative for all to see.

Pesonal responsibility has been lost in rules and regulations for the benefit of the institution, our loss on two counts. The past and present scandals of sexual impropriety and the abuse of the Trust we placed in our Church leaders, or at least some of them. Our loss as a Community of Faith, Hope and Trust. Our loss is compounded as has been said by the further betrayal of accountability by these same leaders or at least some of them, of the Community. A phrase about a millstone comes to mind. Although Jesus has instructed me not to judge. Remember the story in John's gospel, chapter 8. Jesus did not condemn her, the woman caught in adultery, rather He invited her to go and sin no more. He invites me now to see the person and indeed the people he loves, unconditionnally. It ain't easy. But then dying on a cross was a challenge too. We are blessed by a God who Loves more than judges. We call this way, unconditiuonal Love, I believe. Enjoy the gift of unconditional Love without judgement, each day. It is a gift for you and me.

[Steve Bogner]

Alan, Patrick - Thanks for your perspective on this; I certainly do agree with you both on this. I can't explain it any better than you guys have.

[Victor]

I guess all we Christian should really do is pray on such touchy issues because we might be accused of judging. I don’t really believe that I’m judging when I say that I promised Jesus The Christ that I would always give Him the benefit of the doubts until I get a chance to speak to Him in Person. This probably won’t happen until my death and I’m sure that some will say, there he goes wishful thinking again but I’ve learned that there’s always hope. If two thousand years is but a moment for God and Jesus Christ is The Only Begotten Son of God and He knows our pass and our future plus every hair on our head then He certainly must have known what He was doing until He comes back to judge everyone.

I believe that Jesus didn’t really judge as we know it, He just stuck to what His Heavenly Father and His Holy Spirit stood for, all the way to The Cross. Any one of His Christians who believe that He might have made a mistake here and/or there, they should tell Him in prayer with a sincere heart and I’m sure that He will always answer in due time. Whatever decisions we might make or might have made while waiting, we can always be Thankful that He’s got an never ending Love for all of US.

God Bless All His Children

Happy Halloween to all your readers Steve

[KiwiNomad06]

Patrick.... I have pinched this quote from you for myself:
"Enjoy the gift of unconditional Love without judgement, each day. It is a gift for you and me."

[Patrick]

Hi All

Kiwinomad06, when you live this quote's invitation you are not "pinching" anything from me. You are living the invitation extended to all of us. "Come follow me" Jesus invites al of us, everyday. We are invited to live and enjoy the gift of unconditional love without judgement each day. It is what we sometimes refer to as "The Present".
We can enjoy this Present everyday. Thank God for it.

Patrick

[KiwiNomad06]

Maybe you are right Patrick...but I am not much of a Catholic most of the time. I need reminding of that Love.

[ms]

my parents were married...still are after 50 years. that didn't stop them from sexually/physically/otherwise abusing their kids. We were all in Catholic schools kindergarten to 12th, and i even went to a catholic univerity my first yr of college. the family all went to mass every sunday and sat nicely together in the pew, getting communion together, even saw my parents 1-2x come fr the confessional...had the nuns and sometimes the priest over to visit, for dinner, etc. Married or not seems to have nothing to do with abuse. nor can i understand how vows of celibacy might reduce abuse. a friend expressed to me his thought that abuse is both a matter of free will and also that we may spread abuse like a virus ... maybe bc that's what we're brought up with, perhaps bc the pain of recognizing it in our children is too painful if we've not dealt with our own abuse... not that everyone who's been abused will necessarily abuse him/herself but we've been conditioned and unknowingly carry our pasts into and thru these other young lives.
This is not exactly right but it's the best I can explain as i am poor with words. i do think he is right ... i intuited my ex was abusing my child but it wasn't immediate that i knew. i'd dealt w (i thought) all that junk but really it's just part of who i am. i carried a silent virus of denial/ignorance and so my child was hurt. not that i didn't try to make it stop...just too little and too mcuh fear involved. I think the way to stop abuse is to have more open discussion, not purely academic but also on perosnal levels to do away w the fear, the stigma...easier said than done i know... i still fault/blame me for my parents' actions but never would i fault my daughter, i excuse my parents by acknowledging they came from some bad places to think it ok to do what they did...lose the secrecy and perhaps those carrying round the virus will find it easier to protect others from themselves and others ... make abuse like cancer ... i didn't ask for that either but wheres the guilt and self-loathing that goes w that? there really is none ... i got help for cancer much sooner and it is now just a past fact ... perhaps if those who were abused got help sooner then it too would more easily become a past fact, over which we can celebrate our survival ... just do away with the secrecy and the judgment against those who've been abused and there will be less abuse...
on the other hand, though i am opposed to the death penalty, if we're gonna have it i sometimes think we ought to just hang anyone who ever touches a child that way (on bad days i think that).

[Victor Savard]

Dear ms,
It took a lot of guts to write what you did and I applaud you and the Child of God within you for being so brave. When I glanced at the bottom ignitions, for a second I thought that it might have been my daughter using her maiden name but then I realized that my wife and I have only been married for 37 years. (lol)
All kidding aside, while being married I never even thought of sexually abusing any children and I honestly believe that it does not make me any more special than your parents as long as they now know in their heart and mind that what they did was very wrong and they will eventually be judged by God for their behavior..
I must agree also with your friend when he expressed his thought that abuse is both a matter of free will and also that we may spread abuse like a virus. Some might even go as far as to say that abuse is a virus and others again might call it a sin. I think that in the pass some of our ancestors might have called it skeletons in our closet now performing on stage. I kind of think that these skeletons have now all teamed UP as one and they truly are now a force to be recognized with and concerned about. I also believe and agree with you that talking about all these issues is great but we must remember that some of these skeletons don’t really care about what we might think is right. I believe that they are very good at doing what some of US might think is very bad and they take pleasure and are very happy when they see anyone trying to throw out The Baby with the bath water and they even help us if we let them. I believe that many of us don’t even have a clue as to what we've done and then when we do find out the pain is too great to correct what was wronged. Some one once said in so many words while dying on a cross, Forgive them Father for they know not what they do. We should all be very scared of them cause they mean business and if we’re not careful they could make victim of us all and I also believe that we should make prayer as our number one defence.
I think that the child within me is very brave also and I could put down in writing all my pass sins on the Net and he loves me so much that he would even die for me. I can almost hear him say that it’s the year of the pig and if they want your head on a chopping block well I love you so much that I’ll take your place. I can almost see him now placing his little head on the block with a few tears falling and death swinging the pendulum back and forth and my soul and spirit standing by with a smile. I can hear death asking them why they are not helping out so they each grab one of the child’s leg and lift it up leaving his rectum facing up. That’s really cute says death and what is that going to prove? Well we know that we can’t stop you because of what all the Martyrs and Saints have gone through during pass years but after you chop this child of god' head off, we'll then become three in one so you better be prepared to eat it. Forget it says death and not because I’m scared of you guys but because I’m starting to think that this man called Jesus Christ was for real and when He said in so many words, whoooo to anyone who might harm any of his father’s little ones, I think that He might not have been kidding so take him away for a few more years before I change my mind.

It does say somewhere in the Bible, an eye for an eye but then who am I to judge?

I better stop now before I start preaching.

God Bless All His Little Children

[Patrick]

We are all in need of reminding of God's Unconditional Love.

A freely chosen celibacy might help reduce some of the abuse BUT freewill would still mean that some people may still choose to abuse.

Freewill is a gift from God to us. The intention was, I believe, that we could freely accept with thanksgiving the Love of God. However the deceiver has tricked us. We have told ourselves we have to earn this Love. THE ULTIMATE LIE. We are so full of ourselves, some call it it pride, that we try to earn this Love. We cannot earn a freely given gift.

Any abuse , anytime, against anyone is less than we are capable of. We need to turn again, to repent, to rethink our situation and simply accept God's Unconditional Love. We are so set on our independence that we forget our creatureliness as children of God. We are Loved as we are.

We were Loved into being, we are Loved here and now. We are Loved in eternity. Such a simple message and we are unable to accept. How silly can we be? Very it seems. Remember we are Loved Unconditionnally. All that is required is to accept! I believe..

[m.s.]

Prayer is good ... but secrecy both that of the perpetrators and of those abused allows it to continue. After so many years of recovery and my own self awareness -- growing yet still quite convoluted -- i know that it is the secrecy that allows the abuse to continue. The number of people who read this blog -- w/o regard to those who ever comment -- there are bound to be many many others who have also had the experience of being abused but for whom it remains a dark shameful secret. I do not count myself as any different than they, I too carry much shame and guilt about it all BUT I have also come to know on some levels -- different levels and different degrees of knowing on different days -- that I am NOT to blame and that there should be NO shame attached to me. So I guess I'm still wondering how doing away with vows of celibacy or allowing marriage in the priesthood would make any difference. I don't necessarily think allowing marriage is bad or wrong but Alan suggesting it may reduce the occurrence of abuse...the reasoning escapes me

[Steve Bogner]

ms - Thanks for commenting; sorry it's taken so long for me to chime in here. I've not been a very timely host lately.

Along with the problem of secrecy is that of accountability. Much of what really bothers me about how child sexual abuse was handled in the church is that the bishops did not (and in my opinion still have not) really hold each other and the abusers accountable. They've done a lot to educate people and take steps to prevent abuse in the future, but the bishops who covered-up abuse are still in office. In my opinion, that is not justice, it is not accountability, and it is not healing.

Well, that sounds kind of harsh but that's where I'm at with all this, still.

[ms]

so long as those who were at the receiving end are shamed into secrecy and scared into silence there can and will be no accountability. We are told we are responsible ... sometimes in as many words and sometimes more subtly. So long as I shame/blame/guilt myself there is no space for accountability ... i have owned it all and taken it upon myself so there is none left for my abuser...perhaps we do this bc then we can keep the myth that our parents/abusers love/care about us, we can see them as good (but only if we make it our fault that they hurt us). I was never abused by a priest but like parents we are taught that the religious want to help, that they care, they love us, they want the best for us, they are our friends, they are better than us/others in their closeness to god and all that is good ...(and our parents are and know better than us and only want the best for us) .... these are lies when applied to entire populations, be it clergy/religious or parents. Society as a whole views abuse in such a way that we are encouraged to stay quiet, what we have to say makes others uncomfortable ... abuse is not a church or school problem, it is a social problem. None can heal who cannot admit to and accept the past ... my own experience is self-disclosure and talking is necessary to such admission and acceptance. if you can't/won;t accept me as i am then how can i? only then can we get to justice, healing, accountability. Why can we as a whole not just accept the reality that it's there and quit hiding/lying/self-mutilating/killing ourselves to avoid what is a past and done fact? Because "you" (people in general) find it easier to blame me, to look askance, to wonder at what sort of person I must be that allowed that, to create a false empathy thn to just deal with what is real Only then can we move on, and only when we can move on can our institutions move forward.

[Steve M]

Steve, couldn't agree with you more with regard to bishops who covered up the abuse and, in effect, allowed it to spread. Any abuser deserves plenty of blame, but those who should have seen it for what it was (i.e., the bishops) deserve even more blame, I think. I can't help but wonder if some bishops thought, "We're already ten priests short in this diocese. Can I really afford to cut this guy loose? Maybe we can make sure he doesn't sin in this way again; he's simply a weak, flawed man." And though the Church is right to deal with abuse as a sin (ultimately, in God's mercy and with repentance on the part of the abuser, a forgivable sin), the Church should have also acknowledged that it wasn't only a sin, but a crime: a crime that deserved to be dealt with in the court system, not just the chancellory office. What a major violation of the people's trust. What a shame that so many had to suffer for so long, in silence, before things started to change. And how thankful we all should be to victims who spoke up -- that choice required uncommon courage, and we're all the beneficiaries of it.