Learning from Suffering

A couple days ago I jumped ahead to read the scriptures for this Sunday. The second reading, from Hebrews, is the one that caught my attention, and it's been stuck in my head for a while now:

Have you forgotten that encouraging text in which you are addressed as sons? My son, when the Lord corrects you, do not treat it lightly; but do not get discouraged when he reprimands you. For the Lord trains the ones that he loves and he punishes all those that he acknowledges as his sons. Suffering is part of your training; God is treating you as his sons. Has there ever been any son whose father did not train him? Of course, any punishment is most painful at the time, and far from pleasant; but later, in those on whom it has been used, it bears fruit in peace and goodness. So hold up your limp arms and steady your trembling knees and smooth out the path you tread; then the injured limb will not be wrenched, it will grow strong again.

Hebrews 12:5 – 13

After I read this, I reflected back on the suffering in my life. I really don't like suffering – who does!? If you had a choice between a happy marriage and a troubled one, which would you choose? Income security or income instability? A satisfying and rewarding job or a mundane, uninspiring job? Healthy spouse and kids or not? A safe and secure neighborhood, or one where shots ring out in the middle of the day? They are all simple choices, but we don't always have the choice. Sometimes, things just happen and we end up suffering. We make bad decisions and suffer as a result of them; other people do things that cause us to suffer; and then there's our encounters with the evil of the world that leave us hurting and suffering. I don't believe that God wants, intends or causes us to suffer. But suffering happens because the world and all of us in it are imperfect.

The scripture's analogy to the father-son relationship also stirred some reflection in me, particularly because I'm the father of two sons (ages 12 & 13). I do my best to keep from causing them to suffer, and I work hard to support our family so none of us suffer. But you know, suffering happens anyway. None of us want it, or like it, but it is unavoidable. And it also provides some great learning opportunities for us all. As my sons grow and experience more of the world, they inevitably encounter some situations where they feel some suffering, and with support from me and my wife they will work their way through it and come out on the other end as stronger, richer, and deeper young men. I really do believe that God wants to help and support us through our suffering too, and provided we're open to it we will grow stronger in all kinds of ways.

Provided we're open to God's support... that's the catch, isn't it? If we call on God only when we are asking for help then that's kind of a one-sided relationship. If you only called on your friends when you needed help, that wouldn't be a very healthy relationship. They wouldn't really know you, and you wouldn't really know them. You would have a harder time communicating. But if we've been talking with God all along, good times and bad, then we will be more receptive of God's support when it comes along. We'll know it when we feel it, when we see it. The assurance of an old friend, with whom we've shared our greatest joys and disappointments, is irreplaceable.

Comments

[crystal]

The scripture passage seems to imply that God causes suffering as a lesson to us .... I dislike that idea. I agree with you ...... I don't believe that God wants, intends or causes us to suffer. But suffering happens because the world and all of us in it are imperfect.

Maybe what's really important is how we respond to suffering, but it its cause still makes a difference to me, for some reason.

[Inspector Fruiteau]

The fact that suffering has a *purpose* makes all the difference. Also, the fact that suffering is temporal and not eternal for God's children is sweet solace.

Jesus is our example of suffering - the Father sent the Son for the noble *purpose* of saving the world - you and me. The grave could not hold Jesus - He was resurrected and exalted. He sits now at the Father's right hand, and intercedes for us.

According to Paul, the fact of Jesus' resurrection is proof that we have been justified, that the sacrifice was sufficient. Though our suffering may last for a "day," we too are raised to eternal life. Praise God!

[Mary H.]

Hi Steve,
I couldn't help but think of Mother Teresa this morning as I heard this reading. Although I haven't had a chance to read her letters yet, the excerpts I've heard reveal how much suffering she must have endured and yet she still followed the path of love and service. We talked about her this morning at Church and how her experience helps so much when we experience the silence of God. So I guess Mother Teresa is still helping the world.
Mary H.

[Steve Bogner]

Crystal - I think the text in Hebrews is referring to an Old Testament scripture (the italicized parts) when it says 'God punishes all those he acknowledges as sons.' OT and NT theology on suffering seem to be different to me. But yes, I agree that the cause of the suffering does make a difference, and I tie that back to the concept of working for justice.

Inspector - Suffering does have a purpose, and yes it is temporary. Good points to remember.

Mary! Yes, I agree Mother Theresa is still helping the world. Inspiring people like her will be doing so for generations. Lucky for us(!)

[Jeff]

Good essay, Steve

That passage from Hebrews is a little tough for me. Christ, through his cross and resurrection has reconciled us to God and made us adopted sons and daughters through faith. Therefore, I have trouble with the idea of sufferings sent to us as chastisements by God, as with Sodom and Gomorrah, and the Flood. Still, sufferings come as you say, and I guess that like St. Paul, I'd rather see that as an opprtunity to "offer it up" as they used to be fond of saying, and to accept that suffering in solidarity with Jesus, who suffered in solidarity with us, rather than to see it as a punishment given under God's will.

[Patrick]

Steve you have hit on my main point of contention with St. Paul. Do we suffer because God wants or even allows us to suffer or is there something else at work here? When Jesus was about to give up his last breath he said and I quote "It is accomplished[finished]" My question has been what did he mean, what was finished? My reading has been to the effect that the need for reconciliation between God and creation was acomplished, therefore there was /is no more need for any more sacrifice/suffering to achieve this purpose. Jesus had achieved this reconciliation.

In another text St.Paul talks about "completing" in his sufferings what is incomplete in the sufferings of Jesus! This for me is a kind of 'heresy'. Either Jesus completed the task of reconciliation or he did not and he was mistaken in his final words. I don't believe he was. However I think I know what Paul might have been saying and this to me is very important. I believe he was giving meaning and purpose to his unavoidable suffering and assigning it a redemtive purpose. The philosopher Nietsche spoke of the value of assigning a meaning or purpose to our suffering. Viktor Frankl who survived a German concentration camp during WWII, spoke of a similiar need among survivors of these camps. He developed what we now know as logotherapy from his experience. Also we have Jean Sartre saying that our suffering in this life to which we can assign our own purpose and meaning, the suffering which we give some good purpose for us, we can transform and grow through.

All of these people make an important distinction in terms of suffering. They speak of unavoidable suffering and avoidable suffering. As you might guess, avoidable suffering needs to be avoided. We can even try to avoid unavoidable suffering. However when we see that for now it is unavoidable it is vitally important that we try to find some purpose or meaning for ourselves in the experience. This will give us a huge advantage in dealing with the pain etc we encounter in the suffering. Some writers will say to us "what can you learn from the suffering, what does it tell you about your life"? We choose our purpose, our meaning. It is our choice and we do not have to defend it to any one else.

As you might guess Steve this is my hobby horse, actually I am interested in pursuing this subject further. I have completed a previous piece of study to masters level, the title of my thesis was "Suffering as the opportunity for human growth and faith development". I am currently putting together a proposeal for a PhD on the subject. I believe if people can assign a personal purpose or valid meaning for them to their unavoidable suffering they can deal with most of the sufffering and pain they will encounter in life. My theory at present which I hope to prove is that through such a system some suicides will not take place as people take control of their response to suffering. If we can see some "value or purpose" for our suffering we may/can decide or choose to live through it and grow. I believe that in the Garden of Gethsemane Jesus did just that. He faced his future suffering and said to himself "This will be the cause of reconciliation between my Father Abba and all creation", or some such. Thus he could say on the cross "It is acomplished". At least that's what I believe!!!

Thanks Steve for the opportunity to share this belief.

[Inspector Fruiteau]

I agree with Patrick, that suffering should never be sought out, as if it would bring us closer to God. In Hinduism, disciples have put hooks into their backs, and done the "swinging poojah." In the Philippines, people crucify themselves. Paul says concerning such attempts at "redemptive suffering": "If you have died with Christ to the elementary principles of the world, do not submit yourself to decrees such as, 'do not handle, do not taste, do not touch!' (which all refer to things destined to perish with use) - in accordance with the commandments and teachings of men? These are matters which have, to be sure, the appearance of wisdom in self-made religion and self-abasement and severe treatment of the body, but are of no value against fleshly indulgence." Col. 3:20-23.

Self denial goes much deeper than self-willed attempts to control the body. True self denial confesses that we belong to God, that we seek His glory in all things, and that we submit to His will. It is His will that we live abundant lives (according to Jesus), that we live in obedience, that we love God and others (even our enemies). And to accept, but not seek out, the loving chastisement that brings us into a deeper relationship with our loving Abba.

[Steve Bogner]

Thanks Jeff - From what I understand, the Book of Hebrews was meant to help people of the day tie their current, immediate Christian understanding back to the ancient scriptures... hence the reference to a pre-Christian definition of suffering (my opinion, anyway; i.e. the Lord trains & reprimands). So from that perspective, I don't think the writer was advocating that, it seems to be more of a reference for understanding. Or maybe I'm just full of it; a very real possibility :)

Patrick - a PhD in suffering, now that's something you don't come across every day ;) Great point about avoidable & unavoidable suffering. Taking control of one's response to suffering is very important, but it could also be that many people don't have the tools or experience to do that. A church - a community of believers - might have a role in helping people develop those tools for responding.

[crystal]

I may be way off base here, but I think a lot is being made of Jesus' suffering, as if he planned to suffer to reconcile us to God. He spent years preaching his message - if he had a plan for reconciliation, I think it was embodied in that message. I don't think his plan was to suffer, but he was murdered (and consequently suffered).

[Steve Bogner]

Crystal, I don't think you're off-base at all. I can see your point of view and I've been warming up to it for a while now. Fr. Overberg's homilies on the subject are starting to sink in ;)

But still, I think the letter to the Hebrews was pointing out how we can learn from our suffering, not so much about anything else (at least in that section).

[Patrick]

Like you Crystal I have difficulty believing Jesus came TO SUFFER. I believe though that he recognised that the human condition is one of suffering simply because we are not experiencing the fullness of heaven, our total immersion in God/LOVE. In recognising this situation and recognising our rejection of his mesage of LOVE for all persons by God, he chose to accept his suffering AND give it meaning and purpose that would mean our reconciliation in God's unconditional love.

I am unable at present to accept that God demanded Jesus to die for our sins, what ever that might mean. I believe God loves us totally unconditionnally. NO TERMS NOR CONDITIONS. Our rejection of our union in God, as signalled in the Eden story was furthered in our rejection of the Son of LOVE. But this time we were given a life line to reconciliation. If we trust in Jesus's proclamation of God's uncondituional LOVE for each of US, we can claim our place, inheritance in the Kingdom of Love, known as God.

That a Community of Believers would assist each other develop "coping skills" would be one of my expectations of this piece of research. My thoughts at present suggest we need to take response-ability for our suffering. To make some good of it.

[Steve]

Steve, as usual, a very thoughtful post that is well written. I especially like your last few lines about how we need to have an ongoing relationship with God if we expect to get much "meaning" out of our suffering when we take it to God. Yes, that ongoing prayer life is so important (and something that I need always to work on).

I can't help but connect your idea there with yesterday's Gospel reading, in which Christ tells of how he will tell some, "Who are you? I never knew you." In my mind, that's simply Jesus saying, "I sure wish you would have become my friend. I wish you had taken advantage of the chance you had to get to know me through prayer and through good works you've performed out of love for me. Isn't it very sad that you made yourself a stranger to me?" Christ invites us to identify with his suffering, and all humanity's suffering as much as we can, and he calls us through that suffering to lean on him more, trust in him more, seek his presence more. As a Christian, what an important invitation for me to respond to!

Steve

[Steve Bogner]

Steve - I like the way you linked that back tot he Gospel; it makes a lot of sense. Yes, what an important invitation!

[Jean]

It is so comforting to know that we are so loved that even the pain and suffering can and are used by God. We can become very "heady" or intellectual in interpreting pain/suffering but I think at times of suffering all one can do is say "Jesus I trust in you."

[Wayne]

Hey Steve

don't have time to read all the comments your post has created but want to say...

just back from 8 days of silence with Jesuits and I was asked by my director to read that very passage during worship. It helped to open me up in ways that led to much healing.

as one who suffered much medical trauma as a child and was handed a big bag of stoicism to face it, I am touched by your desire to help your sons face trauma. My parents did many great things for me but facing suffering was not in their bag of tricks.

peace be with you

[Steve Bogner]

Jean - Thanks for visiting and commenting. Simply trusting in Jesus during our suffering may be where we start to see the value in it.

Wayne - I also grew up in a very stoic German-American family. Then I married a very expressive, emotive and wonderful woman who has done much to bring me back to a more centered & balanced position (lucky me!). Nothing wrong with stoicism, but when it's the only tool in your toolbox, it's just not going to be appropriate for every situation.