Attachment to the past

It’s a miracle that I’ve made it this far. As I look back on my life I see so many places where I had the potential to go astray for good. But I didn’t – I’m here now and doing fairly well, I think. So maybe it’s no miracle, maybe it’s providential.

I suppose my turbulent past is being brought into my current thought because of the current book I’m reading – Seven Story Mountain. Merton had an unusual, troubled yet colorful childhood and adolescence. As he looked back on that through the eyes of a Trappist Monk, he didn’t hold back exclaiming just how lost and shallow his life was. As I look back on my teens and 20’s, I have similar emotions – loathing of parts of my past combined with joy that I have found a genuine relationship with God.

While it’s fine to compare and contrast, I have to avoid getting attached to the past. It can feel good to look back and say ‘look how far I’ve come!’, and that’s fine. But when that sentiment is used to prop me up in the present, then that seems like an unhealthy attachment. It seems like pride. If I stay attached to the past, then it will be harder to live in the present and look forward to the future. And besides, if God isn’t holding on to my past, why should I?

Comments

[Karen H.]

One or our priests gave a little reflection a couple of weeks ago that talked about the need to not dwell on the past. He compared living life always thinking about the past to driving a car and only looking in the rear-view mirror. We have to glance in the mirror once in awhile, but if we never turn our eyes to the path ahead, we will crash.

I struggle with thinking too much about the past, as well and also get caught up in congratulating myself on how far I've come. Our past informs who we are today and it's a part of us, but we keep looking forward. What movie was it where the driver gets in the race car and breaks off the rear-view mirror? Maybe that's what we need to do.
Peace,
Karen

[alicia the midwife]

Seven Story Mountain was one of the first conversion stories I read, and it greatly influenced me. I had already decided to become Catholic when I read it, and it further convicted me. It also helped me to realize that conversion is an ongoing process, not a single 'mountaintop' moment.

[Jim]

I'm so far behind in catching up with friends' posts, Steve, that it may be awhile before e-mail is possible. It was good to find you just about the first to show up at my site once I retrurned. In a way, my situation relates a little to what you're saying here. "Follow Me" was His commandment and "Let the dead bury their dead". The past, as far as I'm concerned, is a little like Florida: a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there.......