Catholicism, holiness and spirituality: Trust

Miscellany

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My name is Steve Bogner, a 40-something husband and father of two boys in Cincinnati, OH. Extremism - whether conservative or liberal or whatever - is something I try to avoid. The world isn't perfect, the truth is usually in the middle, and things are rarely as simple as they seem.
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March 13, 2004

Trust

A while ago I attended a retreat by Jesuit Father Michael Sparough. He was a great retreat leader! Today I came across all the materials I saved from that retreat, and this one caught my attention more than the others. I think many people can identify with this, I know I can!

TRUST
"It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in humans. It is better to take refuge in the lord than to trust in princes." - Psalm 118: 8-9

I've read books on trust.
I've heard tapes on trust.
I've written journals on trust.
I've preached sermons on trust.
But let's begin by my admitting: I don't trust You, God.

I'd like to trust You.
I've prayed to trust you.
I've told others to trust You.
I've told others I trust You.
But the truth is closer to fear.

I'm afraid. I'm afraid of You.
Yes, You: all-judging, all-seeing, all knowing -- You
Yes, me: semi-controlled, semi-consistent, semi-confused -- me.
I'm afraid of what will happen, if I ever really entrust my life into Your all-powerful, almighty, all (hopefully) merciful hands.

I've heard stories about Your sainted friends,
waiting dark nights in the cell of their souls,
losing their heads at the most inopportune times,
fed to the lions for lunch,
or dressed up for dinner, roasted medium rare.

You see I've talked to Your Son, and He assures me
no servant is greater than the one who sends.
So, yes, I trust You'll lead me to a lonely hill
where three nails and two wooden cross beams are waiting.
This won't come as a welcomed surprise.

And to tell you the truth I can't trust You'll return
three days later to keep your promise to roll that stone away.
I've been abandoned and betrayed already, thank You.
The most trust I can muster is to entrust You my heart
--- 5 minutes at a time.

Come, take me as Your own.
I give You all I am, and all I ever hope to be.
I am Your servant, Your friend, Your child.
Transform me, possess me, liberate me, fill me.
Do with me what You will --- for the next 5 minutes.

Then, please, come; please, call back again.
Reextend the invitation…

J. Michael Sparough, S.J.